Do you feel content with how your life is? If you died today, are you satisfied with where/what you ended up with?  I've struggled with this a lot because there are a lot of awesome things to do and get. And for most of my life, the Bible or God asked too much of me. Too much time, too much commitment, too many 'no's...just too much of what I didn't want. But life looks very different now than I ever thought I would but I think I'm more satisfied today than I was 5 years ago when I was heading in a completely different direction. Is this making sense?

Is God so repulsive? Why is he repulsive now but so many used to search high and low for him? What are we doing wrong?  You know, I remember when I was 18, I was riding on a train with a friend. I was at a point where I was very frustrated with God and not sure I wanted to be a Christian. As we sat there, and empty pop bottle rolled under my feet. There was a sense of obligation that BECAUSE I was a Christian, I should pick it up and throw it out. In an outburst, I said to my friend, "This is stupid! I feel guilty for not picking it up because I feel like I should because I'm a Christian! But I don't want to do it out of guilt. That shouldn't be why I do it! I should do it because I LOVE God and that is how you love him! You take care of his world!"  I've often struggled with feeling like the life of a Christian is a life of obligation, not a life of love. But maybe love goes out the window when I take Him for granted so much. In these verses today, it almost goes right over my head that He healed this woman. I've read about His healings so much, that it is just typical. But it blew this woman away and once she was healed and able, she got up and served him...not because He told her too, but because she was so so so thankful. She loved him for what He did.   I think I take so much of my life for granted. So much of the goodness, because shouldn't life be that way anyway? Mostly good? That's a guarantee? But we forget that all of that goodness is always always always a gift. And maybe if we saw it that way, love would drive more of our actions, rather than seeing it as a list of obligations. What do you think?

You know, I remember when I was 18, I was riding on a train with a friend. I was at a point where I was very frustrated with God and not sure I wanted to be a Christian. As we sat there, and empty pop bottle rolled under my feet. There was a sense of obligation that BECAUSE I was a Christian, I should pick it up and throw it out. In an outburst, I said to my friend, "This is stupid! I feel guilty for not picking it up because I feel like I should because I'm a Christian! But I don't want to do it out of guilt. That shouldn't be why I do it! I should do it because I LOVE God and that is how you love him! You take care of his world!" I've often struggled with feeling like the life of a Christian is a life of obligation, not a life of love. But maybe love goes out the window when I take Him for granted so much. In these verses today, it almost goes right over my head that He healed this woman. I've read about His healings so much, that it is just typical. But it blew this woman away and once she was healed and able, she got up and served him...not because He told her too, but because she was so so so thankful. She loved him for what He did.  I think I take so much of my life for granted. So much of the goodness, because shouldn't life be that way anyway? Mostly good? That's a guarantee? But we forget that all of that goodness is always always always a gift. And maybe if we saw it that way, love would drive more of our actions, rather than seeing it as a list of obligations. What do you think?

Morbid question, I know. But honestly, I know a lot of people know me as someone who loves to workout a lot, who loves to run a lot, loves Rafael Nadal, the Buffalo Bills...Hyper, loud, obnoxious, etc...... But what do I HOPE and WISH people would say about me? Do I care if I'm remembered as fit? As funny? As the center of attention? Does that make me proud? If I'm honest, it doesn't. What do those things matter? It's just hard to forget they don't matter. What would people say about you? The first 5 things to come to mind when they hear your name? Do you like those words? Are you proud of them? 

Sometimes I'm not so sure. For some reason I think I'm a pain in his arse and he's not interested in my requests. My life isn't that hard so keep going while he helps people who really need something...people worthy of his time. When I want to pray, I feel like an incessant child poking while saying, "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom." And at some point God will snap, shove me away and tell me to leave Him alone. Am I weird for that? The only one? 

When someone says what they've been doing to combat a stress in their life, Dr. Phil always asks, "How's that working for you?" Dare I ask the same of me? Of you? How's your strategy working? I've walked through some bigger things - divorce, blended family, depression, etc. - and some daily things - my world record shortest temper and jaw-dropping impatience. I came up up with some strategies as a single mother because I was too tired to do any more. Well, those strategies aren't working for me. Big time. And now my kids are old enough to see it.  This may seem unrelated but have you set up camp in your faith in God? Put some poles up and a flimsy tarp? Or are you digging down and pouring a permanent foundation? Putting up walls that are to last? What's is your architectural plan for you faith and how are you executing it? 

I recently left my church of 37 years because after so much struggle, I just couldn't trust their leadership any more. I couldn't trust what they were telling me to believe, what they were saying the Bible said, and how I should live my life. Everything was contradictions but there was so much guilt when I left!!!! What was I doing? Was it the right move? Were they right?????   I think so many people are struggling with this, especially the last few years when LGBTQ+ etc. have taken center stage.

Anyone feel the same way? And some of my requests seem pretty God-honoring, like saving my marriage!!!!! Or please heal so and so so that they will see it and have to believe in you and miracles. Why wouldn't God want to answer those??? What is wrong????????? Can I get an Amen???

I do. Sometimes I feel like He says one thing and two seconds later, a completely different thing. Today's verse is one of those contradictions:( Here's what I made of it! Where do you struggle?

Does anyone do this?!? I talk to myself as if I am the most terrible person in the world and I'm constantly weighed down by shame BUT BUT BUT I am so critical and judgy of everyone I meet and see. I quickly identify what is wrong with them or what they are doing as if I'm the master of being the best at everything. No one measures up to my standards ever. BUT BUT BUT neither do I!! I would HATE it if God judged me like I judge myself and others. BRUTAL. Would you like it if God judged you the way you judge yourself and others?