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https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/the-crafting-countess-at-royal-clarence-EiGwrg3deFO/#search

hello darlings welcome to royal clarence i'm having one of those days where things are going wrong and i'm hoping that chatting to you guys will um stop the trend as it were so i've just broken my cafeteria because of some overzealous cleaning and i've had to make my morning coffee in a jug so it's a bit um what's the word grainy to say the least um but also i'm having trouble with dirty old men and it's really starting to bug me it's becoming a bug bear and as a lady of uh um certain years it's my 60th later this year we're organizing a big party by the way um it was actually my brother suggested that because it was such a boogie we should have a big celebration so i'm really rather excited about that and of course it is a big birthday and we were chatting actually about mum's 60th which would have been 18 years ago and i i'd laid on a rather fabulous party i had this gorgeous flat actually in brighton big old flat you know and

invited lots of people including family because it was a big celebration so um my brother brought his son who was 15 or 16 at the time and reminded me just the other day that there was a dominatrix there and this is way before my years as a dominatrix pretending to be one at least and she was a beautiful looking lady very petite and one used to wonder looking at her how she commanded domination but she did and she showed me her website actually or she gave me note of her website and i looked at it the next day and i'm sure i was inspired by her for my character at some point but anyway my nephew had been rather taken by her and she was you know some harmless flirtations as it were um but she apparently you know how men always get things wrong no matter how hard you try they always assume you're doing it for them but he was just a young boy and he's allowed his uh to to believe whatever but um

apparently she was taken by him and he's never forgotten it i mean she probably said something like could you pass the corkscrew anyway um that was part of his coming of age but it was my mum's 60th and then and then somebody gave mother a joint uh in in the kitchen and all i could hear was her sort of yelps of joy i'm 60 years old and i've never done that before and because she'd had a puff of a joint but absolutely hysterical and i was in the other room um otherwise engaged with other people listening to this and thinking i feel rather chuffed i've given her such a pleasant party um for her for her big day anyway it's my big day this year july way and i'm really going to try and make it something special although i don't

have friends but i do have family so family will be coming from far and wide and we're going to have an absolutely splendid time probably in a cheap tacky restaurant in town because there are no posh restaurants here and one doesn't want to be any further than walking distance on one's birthday from the venue darlings it's really important and it's important because i intend to get fully and utterly obliterated on champagne and the last thing i want after a night of champagne and birthday celebrations is a long taxi journey for obvious reasons um well no not for obvious reasons actually not for nausea reasons i was thinking more a lady of a certain age can't last too long without a toilet

so you know the next um sort of venue that i consider would be kind of 40 minutes drive and i just thought no that's going to be grim after a hooli anyway

so i wanted to talk about dirty old men because i i appear to be a dirty old man magnet and i'm not quite sure how i feel about it well i i know how i feel about it i you know i loathe dirty old men i think...