A poor but nerdy taxidermist is hired to mount the trophy of a lifetime.

Cast List Debra Meeks - Emmatrice Devan Curt - Cole Hornaday Dougie - George Dunn Da Boss - Reynaud LeBoeuf Mrs. Olsen - Femnomena Zalmoxis - Danar Hoverson Roderick - Julie Hoverson

Music by Deied Theme music by Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Julie Hoverson [Taxidermy pics used with permission from Custom Creature Taxidermy Arts]

"What kind of a place is it? Why, it's the street outside a taxidermist's workshop, can't you tell?"

************************************************************************

A STITCH IN TIME

Cast:

Olivia

Debra Meeks, lonely taxidermist

Curt Buchner, low-level thug

Dougie Block, ranking thug

William Buchner, high-level cultist

Mrs. Olsen, next door with cats

Zalmoxis, ancient god

OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's the street outside a taxidermist's workshop, can't you tell?

MUSIC

SOUND INSIDE CAR NOISES (not driving), RAIN

SOUND RADIO TURNS OFF, MUSIC OUT

CURT [sincere] Nice night.

DOUGIE Nice? You like rain?

CURT [eager] Yeah. Course, it's better when there's lightning too.

DOUGIE You wouldn't want to be in the car then - too much metal

CURT [eager] Oh, no, just the opposite - the tires would protect us. Keep us from being grounded.

DOUGIE Right. Whatever.

CURT [musing] Especially wouldn't want to be outside if you had a metal plate in your head.

DOUGIE A what? [half a laugh] How many people do you actually know with a freaking metal plate in their head?

CURT Um... [thinks] six.

DOUGIE Six? you know six freaking people with -- Nah! You're so full of shit your eyes are brown.

CURT Six. Benny the geek, Mr. Jones, my gramps - got his in Okinawa, my uncle Lenny - in Nam, my niece Bevvy--

DOUGIE Your niece? She see action overseas too?

CURT Don't be silly, she's five. Playground accident, but she's doing fine - her dad even shaved his head to match hers so she won't feel so self-conscious til her hair grows back to cover the scar.

DOUGIE So who's number six?

CURT Hmm?

DOUGIE That's five, who's six?

CURT Oh! [chuckles] Me.

DOUGIE Great, runs in the family.

CURT Guess you could say that. I--

DOUGIE Oops. Time to bring in the packages. Don't want to be late - you know the boss.

SOUND GETTING OUT OF THE CAR

DOUGIE "D. Meeks, Taxidermy" Hey - that's funny, "D. Meeks"

CURT Huh?

DOUGIE You know, D. Meeks'll inherit D Earth, and all that. [laughs]

CURT [missed it by a mile] Oh. Um, I guess so.

DOUGIE [Exasperated noise]

MUSIC

DEBRA [very uncomfortable, searching for excuses] Never done anything big - I mean, I did take a prize for mounting a bear, but it was a really really small brown.

WILLIAM ["mob boss"] I don't think you understand my... uh... position, dear lady. I have come to you, not with a request, but a requirement.

DEBRA But why me?

WILLIAM I have seen your work, and know of the prizes you have taken, and believe you are the only one who can do the job I need done with the grace and skill I need it to be done with.

SOUND THUMPING AS SOMETHING BIG AND HEAVY IS DROPPED IN HALL. THEN A TENTATIVE KNOCK AT THE DOOR

WILLIAM [sigh] Both of which are qualities sorely lacking these days. [sigh] Raoul, let them in.

SOUND FOOTSTEPS

DEBRA What exactly do you need stuffed?

WILLIAM We will get to that in a moment, first--

SOUND DOOR OPENS

WILLIAM --Ah, Curt, Dougie, so glad you could join us.

DEBRA [quiet, to herself] That's funny, I once had a cat named Doogie. No, that's wrong - I once stuffed a cat named Doogie.

DOUGIE [fawning] Glad to help, Mr. Williams.

SOUND DOOR CLOSES

WILLIAM The young lady here is Debra Meeks - a true artiste. I believe you have something for her, Dougie?

DEBRA [quiet, to herself] Doogie mouser.

DOUGIE Right here, Mr. Williams.

CURT [Snickers, getting her joke]

SOUND FOOTSTEPS, BRIEFCASE SET ON BENCH, LATCHES SNAP, CASE OPENS

DEBRA Holy crow! Is that--?

WILLIAM Two-hundred, fifty thousand dollars. Which, coincidentally, is just about twice your total debts, what with the failing business and the house and all - rounded up, of course, since no one likes small change...

DEBRA And I just have to do the one job?

WILLIAM Just one. But I must have your absolute assurance and agreement before I can show you the subject in question.

DEBRA [thinking, muttering] I could really--

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY

DEBRA --really use that, wouldn't have to do any more crummy data entry--

WILLIAMS The offer expires in 30 seconds, my dear young lady. Please think quickly.

DEBRA [muttered] Hang gliding, jello body rub, Trip to Mall of America, scatter dad properly...

WILLIAMS Five. Four. Three.

DEBRA All right. Whatever you want.

WILLIAMS I do require absolute discretion. Can you guarantee that?

DEBRA Ye-es. Yes.

WILLIAMS Good. Why don't you boys bring in the other package.

DOUGIE Gotcha. Sir.

SOUND DOOR OPENS AGAIN, HEAVY ITEM ROLLED IN

DEBRA [gasp]

MUSIC

DEBRA [hyperventilating into a paper bag]

CURT Come on, it ain't that bad.

DEBRA But -- [gasp, goes back into bag]

CURT You musta seen all kinds of dead things before.

SOUND BAG SNATCHED AWAY, SQUEAKY TOY STARTS UP

DEBRA Not a person!

CURT Just think of it as a really big ... badger or something.

WILLIAMS [off, sweet] Are you ready to hear the rest of your commission, Miss Meeks? [harder] Curt?

CURT [calling over shoulder] Just about. [back to her] Come on.

DEBRA Badger. Right. [deep breath] A big, [gasp] bald, [breath] badger. [bad accent] We don't need no steenkin'--

CURT [low] You might want to stop with the squeaking. I think it's getting on the boss's nerves.

DEBRA The..?

SOUND SLOW LET GO OF THE SQUEAK

DEBRA Oh. It helps with stress.

CURT Yours, maybe - but his...? Ya know.

DEBRA Um-hmm.

SOUND SQUEAKY OUT

WILLIAMS So glad you could rejoin us. I apologize for the shock this must be, but you see now why I was forced to extract your agreement before I could show you the subject?

DEBRA Uh-huh.

SOUND SLOW SQUEAK, IN-OUT

MUSIC

DEBRA [irritated, "move out of my way"] Excuse me.

DOUGIE [snort]

DEBRA Can you bring ... that ...on in here? I have to... well, I have to see what needs to be done.

DOUGIE It's not as heavy as it looks. Get it yourself. I'm just supposed to keep an eye on you. Make sure you don't phone no one or louse this up.

DEBRA Your boss said you were supposed to make sure I got it done right.

DOUGIE Yeah, well, who's stopping you?

DEBRA [loud sigh/growl of exasperation]

SOUND ANGRY FOOTSTEPS, TRYING TO MOVE A HEAVY OBJECT [COFFIN] ON WHEELS, BUT BANGING INTO WALLS

DEBRA This is a two person job!

DOUGIE I ain't in the mortician's union.

DEBRA Fine.

SOUND COFFIN LID RAISES, SLAMS INTO WALL

DEBRA It would be the feet end. [sigh] Ok -- ew!

SOUND SCUFFLE OF FABRIC, SQUEAKY TOY GOES A MILE A MINUTE

DOUGIE Leave off, already!

DEBRA He's still warm! Ew!

MUSIC SOMBER, FUNEREAL

SOUNDS THROUGHOUT, ODD PLOPS AND DRIPS, CUTTING NOISES

CURT So if you've won all these awards, how come you're broke?

DEBRA Not much call for taxidermy, these days - PETA, all that. We fly a little under the radar, since fur coats are a bigger splash in the news, but we take our share of flack.

SOUND HEAVY PLOP

CURT So why do it?

DEBRA I'm good at it. You don't stop doing something you're good at just cause no one cares, do ya?

CURT But what if what you're good at doesn't ... well... get you anywhere?

SOUND ALL AMBIANCE STOPS, EXCEPT DRIPPING NOISES

DEBRA [wipes face with back of sleeve] Like what?

CURT I ran track. A lot. But what does that do for you, unless you want to be a fugitive on Cops?

DEBRA [giggles]

CURT Why're you taking off your glasses?

DEBRA Just trying to picture you with your face all blurred out.

SOUND CUTTING AND NOISES BEGIN AGAIN, A MOMENT OF JUST THIS, THEN:

DEBRA How'd you go from track to - um -

CURT Wiseguy?

DEBRA Is that what it's called?

CURT Good enough. [shrugs] Mister Williams is my uncle. It ain't a bad job. [beat] What got you into this? This dead animal stuff?

DEBRA Promise you won't laugh?

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY

CURT Sure.

DEBRA No really, promise.

CURT I promise.

DEBRA I was about seven. It was a - bad time. My folks were using me as the tug in a divorce tug-o-war, so I took apart my teddy bear, to see what made him squeak. I very carefully picked out the stitches and pulled this out‑‑

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY

CURT Your keychain?

DEBRA No, I put it on there years later.

CURT Most kids, when they operate on a toy, decide to become doctors. [shrug] Or serial killers.

DEBRA Yeah, but I restuffed and sewed him back up again. Over and over again. I kept sewing different things into him, too. Trying to see how much I could hide in there.

SOUND BIG PLOP

DEBRA Uhhh. Hand me the hose?

MUSIC

AMBIANCE SCRAPING SOUNDS

DEBRA I had to choose between maintaining the carcass or the skin. Your boss indicated he needed the skin as intact as possible--

SOUND MAGAZINE PAGE TURNS

DOUGIE Whatever. You know, I ain't actually listening to you.

DEBRA --So I won't be able to make a mold from the original carcass, since I'm having to sacrifice the smaller bits, like fingers-- What?

DOUGIE I'm not listening.

DEBRA Why not? You could learn something.

DOUGIE I could also lose my lunch. [sigh]

SOUND MAGAZINE SLAPPED DOWN

DOUGIE How does a moderately cute dame like you end up elbow deep in guts on a daily basis?

DEBRA I-- I don't know.

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY A COUPLE OF TIMES

DOUGIE You almost done here? The boss is supposed to be back with your next set of instructions this evening.

DEBRA Just the hardest bits are left - you know - very delicate, paper thin skin, lots of crenellations. I wonder if I could just cut 'em off, hollow 'em out, and rebuild 'em later?

DOUGIE [very creeped] Ohhhhh. Now I'm really not listening. Urp.

SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, DOOR

DEBRA What's he got against ears?

MUSIC

WILLIAMS And the progress?

DEBRA I got the hide off, but it's not all in one piece - humans just don't come apart that easily. Our... skin... is really ...um.... too thin. I can stitch it back together, but there's also no pelt to cover up the stitches--

WILLIAMS The stitches will be fine. And I've brought you the stuffing materials--

DEBRA Mounting. We prefer "mounting". Anyway, really what I need next is a drum of grease cutter - mild dishwashing liquid'll do - don't want anything too harsh that'll dry out the--

WILLIAMS Dougie will get it for you. [an order] Won't you Dougie? For now, I have brought you your mounting materials. You understand that it is very important to use what I brought and only what I brought. I even have special thread for you to use for stitching it all up again.

DEBRA But I - I need a framework - heavy sculpted foam works just fine, [slowing a bit] though I can't exactly order off the rack for--

WILLIAMS You may have noticed this project is ... unique.

SOUND RUSTLE OF A LARGE SHEAF OF PAPERS

WILLIAMS I have very specific requirements as to how you are to proceed.

SOUND KNOCK AT THE DOOR

WILLIAMS What is that? You were supposed to--

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY GOES LIKE CRAZY

DEBRA I'll tell them to go away.

DOUGIE [menacing] If you don't I will.

MRS. OLSEN [muffled] Debbie? Dear? It's time!

DEBRA Oh, jeez.

WILLIAMS What?

DEBRA My landlady Mrs. Olsen - we have this standing agreement that whenever one of her cats dies, She brings it on in.

MRS. OLSEN Debbie? I know you're in there!

DEBRA I'll go get Roderick and put him on ice until I'm done with [swallows nervously] your project.

WILLIAMS Won't she notice if it takes longer than usual?

DEBRA Nah. She's pretty gone - up there. I'll just keep telling her she only brought him in yesterday...

SOUND DOOR UNLOCKS

DEBRA Psst. Don't let her see you.

DOUGIE Hmph.

SOUND DOOR OPENS

MRS. OLSEN Oh, there you are, Debbie. Did I catch you in the crapper? I'm so sorry, but poor Mr. Roderick's time has come.

DEBRA I'm so very sorry.

MRS. OLSEN That's all right. He's in a better place. Cream and honey. Cream and honey. Here's his poor little body. You always do such a good job for me, Debbie.

DEBRA I know. Yeah. I'll bring him back to you when he's ready to rejoin the family.

MRS. OLSEN So kind. Now I must get home - Roderick's about to have kittens!

SOUND DOOR SHUTS

DOUGIE I thought ... Roderick was dead.

DEBRA She names all her cats Roderick. Saves on changing the names on the bowls.

DOUGIE How many have you--?

DEBRA Thirty four.

DOUGIE How many does she--?

DEBRA Depends on how big a litter Roderick has.

MUSIC

WILLIAMS So, now you have these big bags of-- Dougie?

DOUGIE Yeah? Uh, here, boss.

SOUND HEAVY BAG DUMPED ON FLOOR, CRUNCHES

WILLIAMS We'll just call them Tana leaves. Got it? They must fill up the bulk of the body.

SOUND BAG BEING POKED

DEBRA They're kind of pokey. Might tear the ... hide. Can I grind them?

WILLIAMS Hmm. I don't see why not - but let me get back to you on that before you go off and do something unfortunate.

DEBRA Ok. Um...

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY

WILLIAMS [waits a second, then] Yeah? Speak up?

DEBRA I only ask, because it does affect how I do my job, ok?

WILLIAMS Only ask what?

DEBRA Is this - the whole thing - something that needs to...um....last? Is it going to be moved around a lot?

WILLIAMS Let's say - yes.

DEBRA And you really sure you don't want a central framework? Not even wire reinforcement?

WILLIAMS That's what I said.

DEBRA I need to reinforce the hide somehow or those leaves will rub the crap out of it.

CURT The skin can tear real easy.

DEBRA Yeah.

WILLIAMS I'll check on that. You got stuff to do until I get back to you, right? Good.

MUSIC

SOUND SOMETHING LARGE PULLED OUT OF WATER. DRIPPING

CURT What's all that?

DEBRA Once all the fat's sloughed, you have to cure the hide. Stop it from rotting. Attracting insects. You know.

CURT [shudder] Bugs, man. I hate 'em.

DEBRA Why? They're... Well, they're kind of everywhere.

CURT That's part of the problem - no matter what you do, they're there. They don't keep out, and they don't go away.

DEBRA That's why hating them is so - pointless.

CURT Mostly they just creep me out.

DEBRA Let me guess. Did you grow up with cockroaches?

CURT Palmetto bugs. Huge freaking whistling cockroaches.

DEBRA I lived with cockroaches for a while. [almost a chuckle]

CURT You think they're funny?

DEBRA Only when you spray them with non-stick oven spray by mistake.

CURT Why?

DEBRA They go sliding down the wall, little legs pumping - ee-eh ee-eh ee-eh. They get completely freaked out.

CURT [half teasing] Now you creep me out some too.

DEBRA [pleased snicker]

MUSIC

SOUND PHONE RINGS

DOUGIE [around a mouthful] Figures. [quickly swallows]

DEBRA Shouldn't you get that?

DOUGIE Tell me somethin I don't know. [one last gulp]

SOUND PHONE PICKED UP

DOUGIE Yeah? Right. Fer you.

DEBRA Ok. [really hesitant] Hello?

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY - one squeak

WILLIAMS [phone] I got an answer for you. On the leaves.

DEBRA Uh huh?

WILLIAMS [phone] No grinding. Apparently that's out. You can cut them up some. I'll show you. I'm also bringing some other things you can use for packing.

DEBRA Oh. Good.

WILLIAMS [phone] We don't want him walking around like a big old teabag, eh?

DEBRA [trying to keep it in, but it comes out a whisper] Walking?

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY

WILLIAMS [phone] Uh. Figure of speech.

DEBRA Goodbye. [gulps]

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY, SLOW RELEASE

MUSIC

SOUND THREAD BEING SNIPPED

DEBRA There. That's nice. That thread hardly shows, doesn't it?

DOUGIE [off] You talking to the dead guy again?

DEBRA [covering] No.

SOUND PACKING

DOUGIE [off] Oh, hell, no. What's this bag next to my lunch?

DEBRA Roderick.

DOUGIE A dead cat? That ain't hygienic!

DEBRA Technically your lunch is in HIS cooler.

DOUGIE Yeah, like he's gonna be the one to object.

DEBRA [to body] No more than you will, Bob.

SOUND PATS CORPSE, SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES

MUSIC

SOUND COMPUTER KEYS TAPPING

DEBRA Tana Leaves. One N or two...? Hmm...!

WILLIAMS [off] Find her.

DOUGIE Hey chickie?

SOUND HASTY KEYSTROKES

DEBRA Just a sec!

DOUGIE What are you doing? [annoyed, yelling back] She's on the computer, boss!

WILLIAMS [coming in, tsks] What did I say about that?

DEBRA You - well, you didn't say anything... You said not to contact anyone, and I didn't - wasn't. I was looking up ... delicate stitching techniques for very thin hides. Remember, I haven't done this before.

WILLIAMS Hmm.

DEBRA I wouldn't have said anything to anyone. After all, I promised.

WILLIAMS You need to look anything else up, you ask Dougie for your laptop. [commanding] Dougie?

SOUND LAPTOP SLAPPED SHUT

MUSIC

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY THROUGHOUT TO PUNCTUATE

DEBRA I'm worried about .... well, what this is all FOR.

CURT Maybe it's not that bad. Like the Aztecs.

DEBRA The Aztecs? But they were... pretty bad.

CURT No, no they weren't. Not to them. I mean, we all think "ooh, human sacrifice" and "man I wouldn't want my heart ripped out" right?

DEBRA Usually.

CURT But we don't realize that was the way they believed. They figured without constant sacrifice, the world'd actually end. They had to feed a bunch of hungry, thirsty gods, who had a really big human jones.

DEBRA [slight snicker]

CURT For the victims, it was like winning American Idol - you got to be famous for a day.

DEBRA Um. [deep breath] But didn't it hurt?

CURT Oh, yeah. But they were all kinda masochistic back then. Hurt yourself to prove how tough you are and stuff. They'd even pierce their tongues and run cords covered in thorns up and down through the hole.

DEBRA On the victims?

CURT No - the bigwigs did it to themselves.

DEBRA Ugh. But this....

CURT Look, I'll see what I can hear - without asking too many questions, you know? [teasing] I don't want my heart ripped out.

MUSIC

DEBRA [whispering] Oh, Roderick. I'm so sorry about this. But I have to see...

SOUND STUFFING LEAVES

DEBRA And a little of this...

SOUND GRIT BEING SCOOPED

DEBRA And a few stitches..... There. And we wait. What's the worst that could happen, eh?

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY

MUSIC

CURT I got a metal plate in my head.

DEBRA [interested] Oh? Where?

CURT About here. You can see the scar if you want.

DEBRA I've never seen a metal plate - I mean, animals don't usually get them, and I've always mounted animals. I mean, not that I'd want to mount you, just that it would be kinda different-- [shocked] oh!

CURT No, no - I understand. I didn't think you'd want to, uh, mount me.

SOUND SQUEAKY SQUEAKY

DEBRA I mean, I'm sure you're very nice and all....

CURT I'm nicer up and walking than with a stick up my butt - or at least that's what my mother always says.

DEBRA Oh. Yeah. [nervous laugh, then double take] She says--?

CURT No. Just wanted to see you laugh.

DEBRA [laughs] Where's Dougie, anyway?

CURT He ain't feeling so well - he says.

DEBRA Figures.

CURT Are you getting close to done?

DEBRA Kinda. It takes a lot of work, especially sewing the fingers and stuff back together.

SOUND AWKWARD SILENCE

CURT I-I hope I didn't gross you out with the whole Aztec thing. I just figured that-- well, being in your profession, you might--

DEBRA Have a strong stomach?

CURT No. Well, I mean, yes. Yes, but. But I figured that maybe you would be the kind of person who could take a step back and look - I mean, there are a lot of people out there who don't understand what you do and why you do it and why you love it, right?

DEBRA Yeah, but I don't kill anyone. Any thing.

CURT I'm just comparing the misunderstanding. To themselves, they were just doing what they had to do. They probably thought "hey, those Mayans, they're some crazy freaks!"

DEBRA Or "wow, those Incas - you wouldn't believe what they're up to!"

CURT See? You got it.

DEBRA Yeah. Ok.

CURT So, there was really a point before I wandered a bit. What got me all started here was that this has something in common with the Aztecs.

DEBRA It does?

CURT Well, yeah - they had this one god, and this is a really good example of misunderstanding - named Xipe Totec [zhippy toe-tec] who they called the flayed one--

CURT --cuz each year the sacrifice was flayed and the skin preserved for the priests to wear for the upcoming year. See, now, to us that's disgusting, but to them it symbolized life, fertility, and the changing of the seasons. Cuz each year, like a seed sheds its pod, the priest would eventually shed the long-dead skin and be a new man.

DEBRA [uncertain] I guess I can see that.

CURT 'Course, the victim was probably flayed alive, so--

DEBRA ew!

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY

SOUND SCRABBLING NOISE

CURT [casual] What's that?

DEBRA [trying to sound casual] Don't... know.

SOUND SQUEAKY TOY GOING A MILE A MINUTE

CURT It's coming from the bathroom.

DEBRA I'll look!

CURT No let me.

DEBRA I - I guess.

SOUND DOOR OPENS, RUNNING CAT FEET

CURT AND DEBRA [both gasp]

CURT Just a freaking cat.

DEBRA [completely freaked out] Yes. Must be one of the Rodericks.

CURT Jeez. [calming her] It's OK. He musta come in through the window or something.

DEBRA [barely a whisper] Something.

MUSIC

DEBRA Keep an eye out - there was a cat in here yesterday. It was pretty freaky.

DOUGIE Hey, at least it ain't some damn dead thing.

DEBRA [shudder] Yeah.

DOUGIE You don't like animals?

DEBRA Live ones are too messy. Eating and pooping. Dead ones are much more manageable.

DOUGIE It's kinda cruel, though ain't it?

DEBRA Why? They're dead. It's just whether they end up cute forever, or rotting in a ditch somewhere.

CURT Like all those people who say we shouldn't eat meat - sure, just let all the cows go. They won't survive on their own.

DOUGIE Do you have a point?

CURT So is it more cruel to put them out to starve? Do those people expect farmers to feed the cows and NOT sell them? Doesn't anyone ever think of the hardship to the farmers?

DEBRA I don't eat meat.

CURT Oh, sorry.

DOUGIE Figures. You make no damn sense, lady.

DEBRA Oh, it's not a moral issue. Just that it clogs me up real bad. [beat] That's too much information, isn't it?

CURT Um...

DOUGIE I'm not listening!

DEBRA Still surprised that I prefer dead animals to live people?

MUSIC

SOUND PHONE RINGS, PICKED UP

CURT [into phone] Yeah? [up] Debra?

DEBRA [takes phone] Yes?

WILLIAMS You must be finished by tonight. I will arrive at seven with the final component. Be ready to make the final insertion.

DEBRA Where?

WILLIAMS [exasperated] At your shop, there.

DEBRA No, I meant where does it go? I need to finish sewing everything else up, if you're looking to ... take it home tonight.

WILLIAMS Oh, right. Hmm. Leave a spot for the heart.

DEBRA Ohhhh.

MUSIC

CURT Do you think that's what the boss is up to? Something like Xipe Totec?

DEBRA Hmm. I'd say no. A lot of the herbs and stuff on the stuffing list are old world, not Central American at all.

CURT Point. So you rule out my pals the Aztecs.

DEBRA How'd you know so much about them anyway? [kindly] Apart from being a complete freak?

CURT [chuckles ruefully] Eighth grade history project. I was a crap student, but this one time I shoulda got an A - I did drawings and wrote a lot of stuff - I think I grossed out the teacher, so she only gave me a B minus.

DEBRA That's not fair.

CURT Yeah. I mean, she raised rabbits.

[they both think on that for a moment]

CURT I didn't just remember all of it, though - I'm not that much of a geek. I googled it again last night. Refreshed my memory.

DEBRA [somewhat relieved] Oh! [beat, then quiet] did you kill this guy?

CURT Me? No. I smack people sometimes if uncle needs it done, but I don't whack anyone. Kinda too bad, since the money's real good, but I don't got "the cold" that bad, you know?

DEBRA [kindly] You're too sympathetic.

CURT [rueful] You say that like it's a good thing.

SOUND A COUPLE OF SQUEAKS, THEN A DELIBERATE STOP

DEBRA [calm, even] They're going to kill me.

CURT What? No o'course not - why would they have paid you, then?

DEBRA Any way I look at it, they HAVE to kill me.

SOUND STRANGLED SQUEAK

CURT [fierce] I won't let 'em. [reasonable] No reason to, anyway - you'll keep your mouth shut, right?

DEBRA [resigned] Yeah.

SOUND SOME STUFFING

CURT Oh, hey, I almost forgot - the boss mentioned a name.

DEBRA Name?

CURT I think it's what he's doing - what the whole point of this is.

DEBRA Oh. [very dry sarcasm] That helps a lot.

CURT Zalmoxis.

DEBRA Gesundheit.

CURT No, no. I looked it up. And it took a while, too, trying to figure out how to spell the damn thing. It was some old Thracian god. He had something to do with that triangle guy--

DEBRA Who? Isosceles?

CURT No. [uncertain] I'm pretty sure that wasn't it. Anyway, this guy got made into a god somehow and promised immortality of the soul. And, get this - the name "Zalmoxis" comes from the Thracian word for "hide".

DEBRA Hide, like skin, not like "and seek"?

CURT Yup.

DEBRA But what does that all mean? I mean--

CURT What I heard the boss say--

DEBRA Yeah?

CURT He said "when Zalmoxis arrives."

DEBRA Oh. [gulp]

SOUND SQUEAK

MUSIC

SOUND KNOCK ON THE DOOR

DEBRA [surprised shriek]

SOUND SQUEAK

CURT Don't worry. Everything's gonna be cool.

SOUND HIS STEPS, DOOR OPENS

CURT Sir.

SOUND WILLIAMS AND DOUGIE ENTER

WILLIAMS [way too excited] This is the moment.

DOUGIE Boss, um, you said--

WILLIAMS Yeah, we got [checks] eight minutes. I was being dramatic. This is a very dramatic moment, Dougie.

DOUGIE Sorry boss.

WILLIAMS The vessel is prepared?

DEBRA The--? Oh, yes. All ready.

SOUND A SLIGHT SQUEAK

WILLIAMS Very nice. [impressed] Good stitching.

DEBRA [trying to sound happy] Thanks.

WILLIAMS So the time is nigh.

CURT Uncle? Got a moment? Can I ask you something? Like in private?

WILLIAMS One moment, yes.

CURT [low, confidential] You're not gonna have this poor chick whacked, are you?

WILLIAMS [not sincere] Whatever gave you that idea?

CURT Look, she's a nice lady. She's no danger to you - um, us.

WILLIAMS After tonight, no one's a danger to me.

CURT What's that mean?

WILLIAMS [chuckles]

SOUND CHUMMY SLAP ON THE BACK

CURT But--?

WILLIAMS [up, dramatic] And now for the final key to unlock eternity!

DEBRA [uncertain] Um, ok.

WILLIAMS Hold out your hands.

DEBRA [almost shaking with fear] Um, ok.

SOUND SOMETHING LARGE PULLED FROM A POCKET

DEBRA That's - whoa - heavy.

WILLIAMS The heart of Zalmoxis. Once it is sealed in his chest, at the right moment, he will rise!

DEBRA Now?

WILLIAMS No. 152 seconds left.

DEBRA Right. Can I put it down?

SOUND GUN DRAWN AND COCKED

DEBRA [gasps] What?

WILLIAMS Let's just call this insurance against you - [pointed] or anyone - trying to stop me this close to my goal!

DEBRA Uhhhh. What's... going to happen?

WILLIAMS [matter of fact] Zalmoxis will rise and take over the world, and I, being the one who brought him here, will be rewarded with power and glory.

DEBRA Oh, Ok. Just say when.

MOMENT OF SILENCE

WILLIAMS Put it in - I'm watching you! And then start stitching.

DEBRA Can someone hold the hole open? This takes both hands.

CURT Got it.

SOUND MOVEMENT NOISES AS THE HEART IS INSERTED

SOUND CAT SCREECH

WILLIAMS What the--?

SOUND GUNSHOT, CAT SCREECH

DEBRA Oh no!

CURT Here!

DEBRA Jeez, I almost dropped it!

WILLIAMS Damn cat. You done?

DEBRA Just a few stitches.

WILLIAMS You do that, I'll start the ceremony. [begins creepy chanting in the background]

CURT I told him you're ok. He don't need to kill you.

DEBRA Thanks. Can you put your finger, there?

CURT Oh, sure.

DEBRA Good.

SOUND SNIPS

DEBRA Done.

WILLIAMS Excellent! Rise!

SOUND RUSTLING NOISE

DEBRA Oh, jeez! It moved!

WILLIAMS He moved. Master!

DEBRA Um, Curt, is it--?

CURT Yeah. Yeah, it is.

SOUND ONE HEAVY FOOT ON GROUND, THEN A SECOND

WILLIAMS Master, is the vessel acceptable? It was made to all your specifications!

ZALMOXIS The vessel is [choking noise]

WILLIAMS What?

ZALMOXIS The vessel is--

SOUND SQUEAK, BUT DEEP AND SPOOKY LIKE HIS VOICE

WILLIAMS What's that?

CURT You didn't--?

SOUND KEY RING JINGLES

DEBRA Uh, yeah.

SOUND DEEP SQUEAK

ZALMOXIS No! Flawed! You must die!

WILLIAMS Master! [choking noises]

DOUGIE Boss?

CURT [whispered] We should go.

DEBRA Ya think?

SOUND SCURRYING OUT, SNATCHING UP A CASE ON THE WAY

[the argument recede as they leave]

WILLIAMS [choking] Get this thing off me!

DOUGIE Come on!

SOUND SLAM, DEEP SQUEAK

DOUGIE [gurgle as he smacks into wall]

SOUND DOOR SHUTS, OUTSIDE NOISES

DEBRA [breathless] Did wikipedia have anything to say about if the vessel was flawed?

CURT Uh, no. go on!

DEBRA But you?

CURT Meet you on the corner.

SOUND DOOR OPENS, SOUND OF COMMOTION

MUSIC

DEBRA {making squeaking noises}

SOUND EXPLOSION

DEBRA Holy crow! [gasp, musing] There's a lot of flammable stuff in taxidermy.

CURT Nervous?

DEBRA [startled noise!]

CURT Track came in handy after all. [chuckles, then serious] I figured we shouldn't let it loose...

DEBRA [worried] My ...house?

CURT I'm thinking the dough--

SOUND PATS BRIEFCASE

CURT Is enough to start a new life on?

DEBRA [interested] Or ...two?

CURT [pleased] Yeah.

SOUND CAT MROW!

CLOSER