While Johnny Depp was at war with his soul, channeling the disincarnate spirit of drugged out reprobate, Hunter S. Thompson, Amber Heard was in full force as his narcissistic lover bombing handler, worming her way into his trust, to fully perform the Kali Ma role to finish the job of devouring Depp's soul.

Meanwhile, at James Madison University, a star member of their softball team, Lauren Bennett, aged just 20, has mysteriously died. We believe the cause of that death is not-so-mysterious.